Week 23: The Real Meaning of *IRL*

A case for gathering and connecting in person

Good Morning and Happy (Pizza) Friday!

Most people know by now that I simply love my couch. I love being home, making use of my mortgage (a joke I have seen humorously depicted in instagram memes). I love Pizza Friday, I love lighting candles and getting cozy. I have even come a long way with ridding myself of FOMO (the fear of missing out) and just embraced what I need to do and when, and for the last year or so — what I needed was my couch. When? All the time. That is one thing I love about getting older. In my twenties a Friday night at home felt lonely and depressing. In my thirties — heaven.

During the pandemic (that’s over now right? what year is it again?) I think we all got pretty comfortable with being home in many ways, once we succumbed to the fact that we couldn’t go out in the world. Zoom dates and courses and meetings became the norm and still exist to this day. Thanks to the commonality of virtual meetings, interviews (and shoots for television), my job became much less travel heavy and remains that way to this day and truthfully, I love that. I still get to meet people from across the country and learn their stories, but I also get to sleep in my own bed at night.

However — have we gone too far? Did we lean in to the convenience of the virtual world a little too hard? Did the idea of going outside of our comfort zone and meeting people IRL especially on a work/school night become such a distant memory? In my opinion, yes.

I have recently signed up for a group writing class, and if I get in, it will involve meeting once a week, on a work-night with 12 strangers for three whole hours face to face. I will have to pack dinner in a lunchbox… I will have to go if I’m tired, and I will have to socialize with entirely new people and open myself about my work in a very vulnerable way. Thank goodness the sign up email said “I know this is scary - do it anyway.”

To be honest, it wasn’t just the vulnerable sharing of my work that scared me, it was giving up a work/school night. I cherish that quiet time where I make dinner with James and go to bed at 9pm. But as I sensed my own hesitation, I reminded myself that I live in New York (effing) City. That I’m 34 years old. That I don’t have children yet that make doing something like this more complicated. That I love people. And that almost every time I put myself in a room that scares me, with new people, I get something (or a lot) out of it.

This will be me haha from one of the greatest movies of my childhood, My Girl

We as people need human connection. In an ever-changing world so dominated by artificial intelligence, I am looking at the faces and expressions of all of the diverse and beautiful people around me when I put myself out there and I’m appreciating them even more.

No amount of AI can replace the feelings and emotions shared between people whether one on one or in an audience.

Has anyone been to the theater lately? I dare AI to try change that (please don’t, it will never work). I have always been a person who gets emotional at curtain call - watching these brilliant (even the not so brilliant) performers take their bow after working so hard and expressing themselves so openly and that effervescent feeling of an audience clapping, appreciating the work of these humans… it gets me. Now more than ever. Don’t get me started on a true rousing standing ovation. Cue the waterworks!

I recently hosted a discussion with my friend Marisa Renee Lee celebrating the launch of her book, Waiting for Dawn. We gathered with a few dozen people in the rare book room at the famous New York City bookstore, The Strand. It was such a special night and reminded me of the ways we show up for each other, even on a work night, even on a Monday night. Friends and followers and strangers alike, sitting and listening in this storied room that has hosted decades and decades of conversations and big ideas. It was so special.

So yes, do I use my AI chatbot (Claude) like my google and is it incredibly helpful? Absolutely.

But can it go to my new writing class and receive and give feedback to total strangers pouring their hearts out to each other? Absolutely not.

So as I write to you on this corner of the internet, I say, here’s to the in-person opportunities that arise, whether we seek them out or “say yes” the next time we’re invited.

There’s simply nothing like it.

With love and glimmers,

Alison